Teal'C Learns Ebonics!
by razory
Summary: Teal'C and Daniel learn Ebonics. Not recommended for people with no sense of humor.


-Teal'C Learns Ebonics!-  
  
Author's Note: I've gotten flamed *so* many times for this story.. yeah, I know it's stupid, yeah, I know it's inaccurate.. but believe it or not, some people have actually liked it. Imagine that.. ;D  
  
DISCLAIMER: If I owned SG-1, the world would be overrun with Daniel clones. You can pretty much guess that I don't.  
  
  
  
"SUP, yo! My name be G-dawg and this here be Rhyme Busta!" blared the TV. I'm sure most of you have heard late-night informercials like these. Hopefully you've realized that it's way too late for you to be conscious, and have hauled yourselves off to bed. If not.. well.. I weep for the future.   
Teal'c sat on the floor in his room. He found these Tau'ri programs very interesting. Especially the ones that featured scantily-clad women wearing clothes in colors he could only describe as disturbing. G-dawg and Rhyme Busta were taking up most of the TV right now, with the scantily-clad women in the background, doing something that could be called dancing, but Teal'c was confused, so he didn't pay attention to them.   
  
"Right here, is Hooked on Ebonics, yo, and we is going to teach ya Ebonics, the speaking of the hood. WEST SIIIDDEEEE!!!!" At Rhyme Busta's sentiment, every single person on the screen echoed him, mimicking what he had just said. Teal'c idly wondered if this was some form of Tau'ri mind control. It was certainly odd enough.   
  
Daniel Jackson was boring-- er, I mean bored. Sorry. Anyway, he couldn't find Jack anywhere, and Sam was in her lab, staring in fascination at something that wasn't an artifact, so he decided to go look for Teal'c. He turned the corner a little too soon, banging his shoulder against the wall. "Dammit," he muttered. Daniel finally got to Teal'c's room, after running into several doors, people, and inanimate objects that someone with directional capabilities should've been able to avoid. Poor Danny.. *terrible laugh*   
  
He knocked on the door to Teal'c's room. Seconds later, it was opened. "Hello DanielJackson." Dammit, thought Teal'c. Why can't he just leave me alone?   
  
"Hi Teal'c.. *what* are you watching?" Daniel craned his neck and tried to see over Teal'c, which as most of us know, borders on impossible. Teal'c would make a good Secret Service agent. Although it would be sort of hard to explain the tattoo..   
  
Teal'c stood in front of Daniel, effectively blocking his view. "I am watching an informative video about a new dialect of English, DanielJackson." Now Teal'c was just getting annoyed. He wanted to be left alone, so he could learn his beloved Ebonics by himself. Unfortunately, we all know how Danny is with new languages. His eyes lit up, and he got that 'I'm about to learn something! Everyone stop what they're doing while I sit here and learn something!' gleam in his eyes. "A new dialect of English? Mind if I join you?"   
  
Yes, thought Teal'c. But then he reminded himself that if it had not been for these Tau'ri, he wouldn't be sitting here learning Ebonics, and instead would be mowing down peaceful villagers with a staff weapon. "Not at all, DanielJackson," he said. He stepped aside to let Daniel in, and was almost run over by the over-eager archaeologist.   
  
They sat there and watched the video while G-dawg and Rhyme Busta taught the effective 'Yo Mamma' insulting technique. Daniel looked over at Teal'c and noticed that he was taking notes.   
  
Soon the program was over. "PEACE OUT, Y'ALL!" shouted G-dawg and Rhyme Busta. They were then surrounded by the scantily-clad women wearing outfits of disturbing colors.   
  
Teal'c consulted his notes. "That flick was fly, yo."   
  
Daniel nodded. "True dat."   
  
Just then, Sam appeared in the doorway. Yes, Teal'c and Daniel left the door open. Why? Because I said so.   
  
"What on earth are you guys DOING?" she asked, with an odd expression on her face. She was torn between wanting to laugh and run away screaming in horror. Jack appeared out of nowhere.   
  
"You aren't drunk, are you?" he asked. Yup, that's our Jack. Tactless and to the point! *swoon*   
  
Daniel stood up. "Teal'c and I were learning a fascinating new dialect of English.. it's called Ebonics."   
  
Jack considered this for a moment. "But you're not drunk, right?"   
  
Teal'c was getting tired of this. He wanted to go somewhere where people actually knew Ebonics. "I am going to LA," he said, and walked out of the room.   
  
"Take a zat gun with you!" yelled Jack after him.   
  
"Well, I'd better get back to work," said Daniel, sighing. It's not like he really wanted to. In fact, I bet most of the time Daniel just sits in his room and plays games on the Internet. He can't really be spending all that time looking at rocks--   
  
"ARTIFACTS!"   
  
Fine, artifacts. Jeez.   
  
"Have fun with your rocks," said Jack.   
  
"ARTIFACTS! AUUGH!" Daniel ran down the hallway and slammed into the wall, knocking himself out.   
  
"Ouch.." muttered Jack. "Hey Sam, wanna get married?"   
  
Sam shrugged. "Okay."   
  
And to finish it off, Teal'c ended up as a West Coast rapper, with his best-selling album, "Jaffa in the Hood". He passes his tattoo off as a gang symbol.   
  
Sam and Jack relocated to PX2398471293875, a planet inhabited by a hyper-intelligent blade of grass. If they feed it, it will go away. Otherwise, it'll feast on their internal organs. Don't worry, though. They're smart enough.. well, she is, anyway.. Daniel spends all of his time looking at rocks-- artifacts, I mean, and selling copies of his new workout tape "Abydos Abs". He continues to live in Cheyenne mountain, and pushes his tape on the natives of every planet he visits, despite the fact that none of them own VCR's.   
  
--THE END!--   
  
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